Spiritual Humour & Spiritual Jokes

The interview with God.

It is just beautiful...

The interview with God.

We Are Three, You are Three

When his ship stopped at a remote island for a day, the bishop determined to use the time as profitable as possible. He strolled along the seashore and came across three fishermen attending to their nets. In Pidgin English they announced to him that centuries before missionaries had Christianised them. “We Christians!” they said proudly pointing to one another.

The bishop was impressed. Did they know the Lord’s Prayer? They had never heard of it. The bishop was shocked. “What do you say then when you pray?”

“We lift eyes towards heaven. We pray, ‘We are three, you are three, have mercy on us’”

The bishop was appalled at the primitive, downright heretical, nature of the prayer. So he spent the whole day teaching them the Lord’s Prayer. The fishermen were poor learners, but they gave it all they had and before the bishop sailed away the next day, he had the satisfaction of hearing them go through the formula faultlessly.

Month later his ship happened to pass those islands again and the bishop, as he paced the deck reciting the evening prayer, recalled the pleasure of the three men on that distant island who were now able to pray, thanks to his patient efforts.

Suddenly he saw a spot of light in the east that kept approaching the ship. As he gazed in wonder seeing three figures walking on the water, the captain stopped the boat and everyone leaned over the rails to see this sight. They were the bishop’s fishermen, of course!

“Bishop, “ they exclaimed, we heard your boat go past and have come in a hurry to meet you.”

“What is it you want?” asked the awe-stricken bishop.

“Bishop, “ they said, “we are so, so sorry. We forget lovely prayer. “We say: Our father in heaven, holy be your name, your kingdom come……… then we forget. Tell us the prayer again.”

It was a chastened bishop who replied, “Go back to your island, my friends, and each time you pray, say “We are Three, You are Three, have mercy on us!”

I Created You

One day, as usually, an orphan, a little girl, stood at the street corner begging for food, money or whatever she could get. Now, this girl was wearing very tattered clothes, was dirty and quite dishevelled.

A well-to-do you man passed that corner without giving the girl a second look. But, when he returned to his expensive home, his happy and comfortable family, and his well-laden dinner table, his thoughts returned to the young orphan. He became very angry with God for allowing such conditions to exist.

He reproached God, saying, “How can you let this happen? Why don’t you do something to help this girl???”

Then he heard God in the depths of his being responding by saying “I did. I created You.”

Installing Love

Customer Service: Can you install Love?

Customer: I can do that. I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install now. What do I do first?

Service: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?

Service: What programs are running?

Customer: Let me see… I have Pasthurt.exe, Lowesteem.exe, Grudge.exe and Resentment.com running right now.

Service: No problem. Love will automatically erase Pasthurt.exe from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually overwrite Lowesteem.exe whit a module of its own, called Highesteem.exe. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge.exe and Resentment.com. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.
Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Service: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke Forgiveness.exe. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge.exe and Resentment.com have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, I’m done. Love has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?

Service: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your Heart. Do you see that message?

Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed?

Service: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops… I have an error message already. What should I do?

Service: What does the message say?

Customer: It says ”Error 412 – Program not run on internal components.”
What does that mean?

Service: Don’t worry, that’s a common problem. It means that the Love program is set up to run on external Hearts but has not yet been running on your Heart. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in non-technical terms it means that you have to ”love” your own machine before it can ”love” others.

Customer: So what should I do?

Service: Can you find the directory called ”Self-acceptance”?

Customer: Yes, I have it.

Service: Excellent, you are getting good at this.

Customer: Thank you.

Service: You’re welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the ”Myheart” directory: Forgiveself.doc, Selfesteem.txt, Realizeworth.txt and Goodness.doc. The system will overwrite conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete ”Selfcriticize.exe” from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it! Wow! My Heart is filling up with really neat files. Smile.mpg is playing on my monitor right now, and it shows that Warmth.com, Peace.exe and Contentment.com are copying themselves all over my Heart!

Service: Then Love is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go…

Customer: Yes?

Service: Love is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you are meeting. They will in turn share it with other people, and they will return some really neat modules back to you.

Customer: I will. Thank you for your help.

Service: You’re very welcome.


Courtesy: Krupa Darshan, Ranjit Mayekar, USA

A Love story

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived, Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge and all the others, including Love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So, all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the very last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under water, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, “Richness, can I come with you on your boat?” Richness answered, “I am sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere”

The Love decided to ask Vanity, who was passing in a beautiful vessel, for help. Love cried out “Vanity, help me please!”, “I can’t help you, “ Vanity said, “You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat.”

Next Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, “Sadness please let me go with you.” Sadness answered, “Love, I’m sorry, but, I just need to be alone now.”

Then, Love saw Happiness and cried out, “Happiness, please take me with you.” But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn’t hear Love calling him.

Love began to cry, then, she heard a voice say, “Come love I will take you with me”. It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way.

Love realized how much she owed the elder and when she met Knowledge she asked who it was that had helped her.

“It was Time”, Knowledge answered. “But why did Time help me when no one else would?”, Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, “Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.”

A Challenging Golf Game

Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but kept rolling directly toward a water hazard. Moses quickly raised his club, the water parted and the ball rolled to the other side, safe and sound.

Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long drive directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball back onto the green.

The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and veered toward a nearby tree.

From there, the ball bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, where it rested quietly.

Suddenly a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth. Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog screamed with fright and dropped the ball, which bounced right into the cup for a hole in one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate playing with your Dad."

The Atheist

An atheist was spending a quit day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by a three-headed monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow them both. As the men sailed head over hells, he cried out, “Oh my God! Help me!” At once the ferocious attack scene froze in one place, and as the atheist hung in mid air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in me!”

“Come on God, give me a break!!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in three-headed monsters either!”

He Who Tells the Best Story...

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"

One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."

Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."

There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."

Important Words

The six most important words in the English language are: "I admit I made a mistake."

The five most important words in the English language are: "You did a good job."

The four most important words in the English language are: "What is your opinion?"

The three most important words in the English language are: "If you please."

The two most important words in the English language are: "Thank you."

The one most important word in the English language is: "We."

The least important word in the English language is: "I."

The two least important words in the English language are: "I can't!"

The three least important words in the English language are: "You Screwed Up!"

The Echo of Life

A man and his son were walking in the forest. Suddenly the boy trips and feeling a sharp pain he screams “Ahhhhhhhhh”. Surprised he hears a voice coming from the mountain, “Ahhhhhhhhh”…!

Filled with curiosity, he screams: “Who are you?”, but the only answer he receives is “who are you?” This makes him angry, so he screams: “You are a coward!”, and the voice answers “You are a coward!”

He looks at his father, asking, “Dad, what is going on?”

“Son, “ the man replies, “pay attention!” then he screams, “I admire you!”. The voice answers “I admire you”. The father shouts, “You are wonderful!”, and the voice answers: “You are wonderful!”

Then the father explains, “People call this ‘ECHO’, but truly it is ‘LIFE’! Life always gives you back what you give out! Life is a mirror of your actions. If you want more love, give more love! If you want understanding, give understanding and respect. If you want people to be patient and respectful to you, give patience and respect! This rule of nature applies to every aspect of our lives.”

Life always gives you back what you give out. Your life is not a coincidence, but a mirror of your own doings.

Rules for being human

1. Your will receive a body. You may like it, or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full time informal school called life. Each day in this school you have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think they are irrelevant and stupid.

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. The ”failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately ”works”.

4. A lesson is repeated until learned… A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go to the next lesson. Periodically, the lesson will be re- presented to see if you still remember it.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learnt. If no lessons is being presented, it is likely that you are no longer alive.

6. ”There” is no better than ”here”. When your ”there” has become a ”here”, you will simply acquire another ”there”. That will again look better than ”here”.

7. Others are simply mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you make of them is up to you; the choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie inside you. The answers to life’s questions lie inside you. All you have to do is look, listen and trust.

10. You will forget all this. That fact is itself a lesson.