I have a young bi-racial daughter. She's smart, she beautiful, and she's loving-very clearly attached to me. Yet, whenever we are out people assume that I am the babysitter, or friend, or that the mother is with the darker skinned friend I am there with.
My daughter is not very dark skinned yet they always assume she cannot be the 'white' woman's child.
Is this an indicator of their own lack of tolerance on a subconscious level?
The Following User Says Thank You to ShortOfTime For This Useful Post:
Dear Shortoftime,
I don't think it is necessarily a sign of intolerance, although it could be with some people. It could also simply be a lack of exposure to anything different than what exists in their small world. For some it could be small-mindedness, which unfortunately is still quite rampant in our world.
I will use myself as an example. I was in my mid thirties when I had my daughter, and in the south (Texas) where I life that is considered to be rather old to have a child. I can not tell you how many times people asked me "Is she your's" when they saw me with my newborn daughter. At first I thought it was a pretty strange question, then I started looking around and realized that many women my age were grandmothers.
So try not to take the looks and questions personally. See it as an opportunity to expand someones mind.
Love, Light and Blessings,
Essence
The Following User Says Thank You to Essence For This Useful Post:
Short Of Time,
No matter what the reasoning is, even if the comment was innocent it still hurts. I understand this and I don't have an answer for it really. People seem to have a need to put lables on others, I think maybe it stems from some kind of group think, or group identity need.
But still, it hurts when people make assumptions. Even when they say nothing at all, you can see it on their faces. But since this forum is about unity, lets focus on that. It's good you brought this up because for true unity to become a reality there can be no color distinction where love is the guiding light.
So, again, thanks for bringing this up. We all need to think about how our attitudes, actions and words -- no matter how innocent, can hurt and cause more division in an already overly divided world. What diminishes one of us diminishes all of us.
You know this reminds me of the comments people sometimes make when they are trying TOO hard to be tolerant. Things like 'Oh, her skin is so beautiful! She has the most wonderful colouring' and so on.
We've had the same sort of thing. 'What's she mixed with'? was the one that offended me most. She's NOT a dog, nor some kind of mongrel. She's human-a perfect little human who living in her racially mixed household will be way more tolerant than most.
I feel your pain.
The Following User Says Thank You to EternalSearch For This Useful Post:
Maybe I stay in the woods away from people too much, but I must say I find it unbelievable that people still say things such as that "What's she mixed with", that is astonishing. WOW people really do need to wake up, don't they?
There are still many many people asleep as it seems. And I fully agree your child is not a breed of any sorts and should not be treated as such. I wonder when people will wake up fully.
I am Chinese and my wife is of European heritage. So when people look at our kids, they always say how they look so much like me. However, when I look at our boys, I see many of my wife's beautiful features. I happen to live in Utah where the total mix of minorities across the state represents maybe 5% of the population. So I try to remember when people say things, they aren't trying to be rude, but really make pleasant conversation the way they know how. It's up to us to politely and gently teach people.
The Following User Says Thank You to sicnarf For This Useful Post:
You know, my daughter really is beautiful. I know that as her mother I am supposed to think that, but it's the sort of perfect beauty that makes me think that multi-racial is how we are supposed to be. The best of all worlds so to speak.
But still, some people try too hard and I think that is very telling of their true feelings.
Well this isn't just with you, can't believe what my neighbour asked me today. My son is 4 months old and he is fair skinned while me and my husband are wheatish color. They think is someone else baby whom I'm baby sitting. I used to drink glass of cold milk with very little saffron added, it is said that saffron improves the skin color when expecting a baby, which is commonly said in India.
I hear "what are they mixed with" all the time. I am caucasian and my husband (while technically also caucasian) is Arab. Sometimes it is a latina woman trying to see if I am married to a latino, I think, other times it is curiousity. But I can think of soooo many other ways to say it more appropriately. How about "they are stunningly beautiful. What's their ethnic heritage?"
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