am desperate

[aiyar]

neither able to live nor die am looking for salvation - a recovering alcoholic,am facing tremondous problems - SOBER -than when i was drunk.

am seeking help in ALL FRONTS

Aiyar

[m0rl0ck]

Originally Posted by aiyar

neither able to live nor die am looking for salvation - a recovering alcoholic,am facing tremondous problems - SOBER -than when i was drunk.

am seeking help in ALL FRONTS

Aiyar

I have been sober 17 years. Its really tough at first even under good circumstances, i know. the first year and a half or so was really rough for me and i have heard that from others too. i dont know what you are facing, but its better sober than not, at least you will be able to make somewhat clear headed decisions about things. my advice is to pray (or what ever your form of contact may be), call your sponsor and go to meetings and talk about what is going on with you.

i will keep you in my thoughts

Im sorry i forgot to say welcome Welcome!

[JamesHome]

Originally Posted by aiyar

neither able to live nor die am looking for salvation - a recovering alcoholic,am facing tremondous problems - SOBER -than when i was drunk.

am seeking help in ALL FRONTS

Aiyar

Hi Aiyar,
I sympathize with the problems you say that you are facing right now.
As I read your post, I thought to myself that it seems you are saying that your current problems are not related to an alcohol addiction.
You stated you are recovering and your problems are within the sober state you are in now, which by the way, I applaud you for.
You also mention, not being able to live or die and need salvation.
If I may suggest based on the feeling I get from the energy of your words, that your problems may all be related to not being able to deal with your problems.
If this is the case, we have all been there, and we can help you learn that it is not your problems that are the issue, it is facing them that is.
If we face each and every problem and emotion we have, head on, we can learn to understand them and eventually release them.
By giving up alcohol, you demonstrate great courage.
This same courage will help you face ALL of your problems and help you realize that problems need to be faced and not covered up.
If I am way off, I apologize.
I offer my help in the spirit of love and compassion.
Peace and Blessings,
James

[aiyar]

james;

thanks - i am not talking about AA at all;i have been BY THE GRACE OF GOD been away for 14years now-i am more talking of the depression level
regs

[JamesHome]

Originally Posted by aiyar

james;

thanks - i am not talking about AA at all;i have been BY THE GRACE OF GOD been away for 14years now-i am more talking of the depression level
regs

Please do me a favor and tell me what "By the grace of God" means to you.
I'm asking in an effort to continue this conversation and hopefully help you get past the depression you are experiencing.
Peace and Blessings,
James

[aiyar]

james:

damn nice of you;
i will share a little of my story to you;

i was comfortable in an organization and was doing pretty well-then i had this idea and was encouraged too - to begin on my own;that is where it started - i mean i found that a guy whom i treated as a good find and a fast learner someone who had difficulties and was overcoming them - took me for a toss of around 21lacs - not easy money -worst - he had cheated the gullible using rip,my company name etc.,
on my return from a business trip - having understood the `faitaccompli`i filed a criminal complaint,only to realize the ``influence he had politically``the case was turned against me - i was remanded and came out on bail-at my fathers death( the old man died out of anguish.agony,pain - IN BEING ABLE TO HELP HIS SON -WHOM HE BELIEVED WAS NOT IN THE WRONG `THIS TIME`) this was my 1st stage of `depression`;
my heart was crying out for revenge-but my mind was saying NO - it was saying LET GO LET GOD;torn between a burning desire for revenge and the reality that i may not succeed - 2nd stage of depression;
with no revenue from my end the constraints on the family resources - my 3rd stage of depression;
but with all these IT IS BUT THE GRACE OF GOD I AM SOBER,was able to launch more than one AA Group in the prisons;but the depression does not seem to go away - I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM LOOSING MY FOCUS;
regs
aiyar

[JamesHome]

Originally Posted by aiyar

james:

damn nice of you;
i will share a little of my story to you;

i was comfortable in an organization and was doing pretty well-then i had this idea and was encouraged too - to begin on my own;that is where it started - i mean i found that a guy whom i treated as a good find and a fast learner someone who had difficulties and was overcoming them - took me for a toss of around 21lacs - not easy money -worst - he had cheated the gullible using rip,my company name etc.,
on my return from a business trip - having understood the `faitaccompli`i filed a criminal complaint,only to realize the ``influence he had politically``the case was turned against me - i was remanded and came out on bail-at my fathers death( the old man died out of anguish.agony,pain - IN BEING ABLE TO HELP HIS SON -WHOM HE BELIEVED WAS NOT IN THE WRONG `THIS TIME`) this was my 1st stage of `depression`;
my heart was crying out for revenge-but my mind was saying NO - it was saying LET GO LET GOD;torn between a burning desire for revenge and the reality that i may not succeed - 2nd stage of depression;
with no revenue from my end the constraints on the family resources - my 3rd stage of depression;
but with all these IT IS BUT THE GRACE OF GOD I AM SOBER,was able to launch more than one AA Group in the prisons;but the depression does not seem to go away - I FEEL AS THOUGH I AM LOOSING MY FOCUS;
regs
aiyar

Hi Aiyar,
Thank you for explaining!
As I read your words, what came to mind is I think talking about this is exactly what you need.
This is in my opinion what will help because you are expressing these feelings and bringing them into the open.
Please understand that as terrible as these things you describe WERE, they are not happening this very moment.
They have left their mark, no doubt but they do not influence, nor should they, how you experience every new moment of you life right now.
Right now is where your attention should be. Smell the roses while you are dealing with life as it comes up.
I am sure you did this in prison. You must have kept your mind off your prison cell.
So in summary my advice, if you will, is to stay present and just “be” with whatevr life brings.
You might want to read "the power of now" by Eckhart Tolle. It is an excellent book.

From my life and understanding, I share this with you:
Life and all of existence is God’s Grace, meaning it exists simply because god wants it too. It doesn’t mean it exist even though it doesn’t deserve to.
You did all the good you did in prison and you stayed sober all of these years because you are at your very core perfect in every way and you found a way to tap into this as many of us have.
I hope this helps you stay focused.
Peace and Blessings,
James

[aiyar]

thanks a ton james

[Narnia]

Sending lots of love and blessings your way. You are very strong and a good person