Raped in my dream.
The night I had my dream fearful dream of being raped, my friend was over. He was a guy that I had met just a few weeks ago and was still getting to know, but we were getting very close to eachother and had confessed our feelings for each other the night before.
Before the dreams happened, we were lying on my bed before going to sleep, while watching a movie.
We were lying very close to each other on my bed. This wasn't the first night he had stayed over. It was the fourth time, and each time he had stayed over it was very casual, and had simply been to sleep. Nothing ever happened when he was staying over, until tonight. We ended up kissing passionately but that's all it led to, kissing and necking other than that we simply cuddled on my bed.
I eventually drifted off to sleep with his arms around me and my dream took place in that moment of reality- with him next to me on the bed - turning the pleasant, current situation of cuddling with a potential lover to a terrible nightmare.
I dreamt that I woke up on my bed, to him forcing himself on me, kissing me, and trying to unbotton my shorts. (which I was wearing boxers that night and didn't have any bottons in actual reality so that's how i realized it had been a dream when i woke up)
I told him "no" and to stop and he just laughed and told me, "How does it feel to not be in control?"
(This was a joke between us that we had teased each other about just hours before when I was awake, I always tried to be the one in control and telling him what to do, and he'd constantly challenge me, and we would fight over who had the most authority, but only as a joke.)
In my dream I remember trying to scream or yell out, but he covered my mouth and mocked me, telling me that no one was going to hear me.
I remember seeing the colors of my orange, brown, and beige dedspread, it sticks out clear in my mind. And I remember looking hopelessly to my bedroom door which was cracked open, and I reached out to it frantically, and as I extended my hand, the door slammed all the way shut and I tried to scream but nothing came out.
I remember in my dream fighting him, suqirming, kicking, screaming, but he overpowered me. I kept saying no, over and over again but he kept forcing himself on me.
He never did get my shorts off. But that wasn't his true intentions it didn't feel like. His goal it seemed was not to have forced sex with me, but to overpower me and show me that he was in control, not me.
I woke up from the dream next to him still, scared and disoriented, not sure if it had even been a dream, or if it had really taken place.
He was asleep next to me, and my heart raced at the memories of the dream, trying to decipher what was real and what wasn't, trying to convince myself that I was asleep and none of it had been real.
I had to convince myself that he did not, and would not do something like that. The dream has left me feeling at a loss and confused. I have never been raped like that before, but I have been fingered while taking a nap with a boy in the past... when I did not want to be touched that way and I wonder if that has had influence.
I don't know. The dream was very foggy, besides the events that were happening to me. If you can help me decipher what it all means, it would be great. Please, and thank you very much.
Disoriented Dreamer,
Emilee
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