I had this dream a while ago, but it still haunts me. I find myself still thinking about it and trying to reason why I would dream something so awful. Maybe I can gain some insight here.
Cecilia was my best friend from age 14 - 22. We shared a lot of good times together. Sadly, my 22nd birthday was spent at Cecilia's funeral. The troubling dream I had about her was this. I was in the funeral home, and I was the only one there and she was in her casket, just like the last time I saw her. I could see her there, but I could hear her voice telling me over and over "It's all your fault". I tried to turn away from her, but no matter where I turned, there she was. And her voice just kept repeating over and over.
I got chills reading this post. Sorry about your loss. Do you perhaps blame yourself for her death? Maybe you feel guilty and your dream is telling you it's time to let it go.
I've never felt guilty. She died of kidney failure, there is nothing I could have done. When she was in the hospital, I wanted to go see her. I bought her a gift and a card. But they wouldn't let anyone in that wasn't immediate family so I never got to see her one last time. But I don't know if I'd call that guilt, just sadness. Even though some time has passed, I still get sad thinking about this and writing it all down. My post from earlier actually had me in tears. I thought I was beyond that.
Maybe you feel like you got cheated out of saying a proper good bye. Or perhaps she really wanted you to be with her in her last moments. I'm sure she understands the circumstances though.
It just seemed like a strange final scene. I have never dreamed about her since then, and I would have thought any dream of her would have been a happy one. The one I had was sad and scary. I just wish I could let go of it and move on, but I still think about that one dream. There are so many good times that should be the first thing I remember about her, but they seem to all be outshined by my final two memories of her funeral and this dream.
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