Personal Growth: On Opening to Higher Guidance

By Matthew Blais

A Prayer/Promise:

I commit to completely following my guidance, my highest Truth, at all times. I give up my assumed right to control and guide my own destiny and to make all of my own decisions. I put my trust entirely with the higher power to guide every aspect of my life. I ask for assistance in remaining open (and in returning to openness) to my higher purpose, and for assistance in listening for and hearing my higher guidance in all matters, at all times.

(Guidance Responds:)

Create and maintain a gentle, loving, supportive attitude toward YOURSELF: accepting, compassionate, respectful, gracious, unassuming, PATIENT, forgiving, devoted, unwavering, committed, principled, firm in what is correct... NOT: impatient, blaming, chastising, guilty, scolding, critical, defensive, demanding, righteous, bullying, distant, punishing... Hold the same devoted attitude toward yourself that you would hold toward God, that you would hold toward others, and that God holds toward you.

When you appreciate what God has given you, instead of saying "thank you" in word or thought, express your gratitude by choosing to be who God wants you to be - toward yourself, toward God, and toward others. Use the opportunity of "thank you" to correct your attitude and remember to love.

When you notice that you are relating incorrectly to someone, or to yourself, use that moment of awareness as the opportunity to extend compassion and acceptance to yourself, to ALLOW yourself to be scared or hurt or angry, and to cease chastising yourself for your feelings and actions. We are prone to judge and criticize ourselves the moment we become aware that we have left our chosen path, but this criticism simply compounds and aggravates the situation; best to simply notice our regression, notice our urge to self-judge and self-criticize, and bring our focus back to our commitment, extending love, compassion, understanding, and acceptance to ourselves once more. To criticize yourself for criticizing yourself clearly spirals downward.

When others have hurt us, and we seem unable to move past our hurt, anger, and desire to punish, we should be careful to allow ourselves to simply be in that place, and not worsen our situation by judging and criticizing ourselves for our "failure" to adjust our attitude. To judge oneself for judging, clearly spirals downward. Simply allow yourself the space to be hurt, angry, in pain, upset, and accept that these are the experiences you need at this moment for healing. To continue to reject them or try to rush through them is to lengthen their stay and assure their speedy return. These are not "bad" experiences, and we have not "failed" because we have them! If you can give YOURSELF the permission and the space to feel whatever you are feeling, if you can extend love, compassion, and understanding to yourself for your own difficult experiences, without attachment to judging, then you are that much closer to being able to extend that compassion and acceptance to all beings and to God.

* * * * * * * * * *

At every moment, it seems, we are powerfully and unconsciously urged to do and say things by some invisible, irresistible force within us. This morning I had a thought about starting a fast, and I have not yet decided whether or not to do so. As I have not yet eaten breakfast, I have this very strong urge to eat whenever I pass the refrigerator... it is so subtle I hardly notice it, yet I am nearly hypnotized by it... This is not the voice of my guidance speaking so loudly to me. I seem to fade away into dreamy semi-consciousness as my hand reaches out for an apple, and my head is filled with soothing thoughts of eating... but I pull back my hand, aware suddenly that something is "going on" here. I am so well-trained to listen blindly to the voices of my body, and the voices of my ego, that I do not even pause to question them; they are comfortable and familiar; they feel like "me." In fact, for many years, I have chosen to "be" them, and that is how I have become their willing slave. It is pure habit now, beyond consciousness, reflection, consideration, or aware choice.

Now I reaffirm my determination and my commitment to follow only my guidance, my higher self, to actively work to give up and overcome all of my mental addictions and unconscious, unquestioned habits of mind and body... but what does this mean? To question every thought, every urge, every desire... to remain vigilant... to continually bring back my focus as it continually drifts away. And I must be especially vigilant to be gentle and accepting with myself as I stumble off the path again and again, for the critical voices which rise swiftly to condemn my "failures" are simply more of the unconscious urges to which I have given my power for so long. I must bear with them, have love, space, compassion, and understanding for them, even as I am careful to pry them gently away from myself.

* * * * * * * * * *

In those darkest times when I am unable even to remember what love and compassion are, when I am bombarded from every side with the voices of blame, hatred, fear, and desire, when it seems as though I am being swallowed up by a great, howling tempest of irresistible emotions, then I must remember -- oh God, please help me to remember then -- to ALLOW it all, not to resist it, but simply to stand firmly while it washes over me, clinging to the knowledge that it will pass. In those times, God, please help me to accept and allow and even welcome all of those thoughts and feelings, those forgotten shadows of my soul, but to remain awake and aware, to keep my precious focus and to keep on letting go of those thoughts and feelings, knowing firmly that they WILL pass, and that I WILL remember love and compassion again when the storm is over.

* * * * * * * * * *

Whenever I look in the mirror, I hear the prideful voice of ego, as it narcissistically approves of its appearance, its form. And then there is immediately another voice, critically pointing out how narcissistic we are, how miserably we are failing at "being spiritual," because we are obviously so prideful, self-centered, egotistical... It is one voice of ego against another, ego fighting ego, laying waste to self in the process. What am I to do with this war? Only stop myself from taking sides, from getting involved, from identifying myself within it, from giving it energy, consideration, significance, validity. I must simply breathe, notice it, step back, and allow it; allow it to be, and by not getting involved, so allow it to pass.

I am just beginning to understand the I Ching's counsel to "sacrifice our tendency to 'feel good' when things are going well, and to 'feel bad' when they change for the worse." Strong feelings of joy and elation draw me just as surely into my body and ego as do strong feelings of fear or depression. When I dive headlong into elation, my focus disappears just as surely as when I dive headlong into judgment and blame. Where does my focus go? It goes into the experience of the reality of the emotion, the reality of separation and limitation. And when my focus is ANYWHERE in that reality, whether it is pleasant or unbearable, my focus is NOT in the greater reality: the reality of God, of unity, of compassion, of true self. When I am focused in my emotions, attached to them, identified with them, I cannot be focused on Truth and guidance, or my on my consciously made intentions and commitments.

When fear, anger, or grief wrest my focus away from Truth, from my chosen path, I do not struggle and fight to wrest it back. If it cannot be retrieved gently, then I allow myself to experience what happens, being careful not to let guilt and blame to invade my heart. To struggle forcefully against evil is to validate it, to empower it, to separate oneself from it, and define oneself by it. The alternative is to simply stand in our Truth and refuse to become entangled, defined, and possessed by it, until it has spent itself. The sword which meets no resistance soon grows dull.

Matthew Blais is a software consultant, writer, musician, and healer, who has been pursuing his own healing journey since 1985. His interests include personal transformation, healing through music and drumming, and researching the relationship between sound, rhythm, cycles, harmonics, resonance, and healing. Matthew Blais can be reached by mail at healspirit@yummage.com