Love and Happiness: Creative Forgiveness Springs from Love

By Janina Gomes

We need to find truth, love and forgiveness even in the midst of hatred, destruction and pride. Napoleon said: "What astonishes me most in this world is the inability of force to create anything. In the long run the sword is always beaten by the spirit". In so saying Napoleon touched upon an important principle of forgiveness. That forgiveness is creative and it springs from love. It is the ability to embrace the pain of injury to oneself, while extending one's hands in love.

Forgiving is not easy. The hurt that others inflict on us haunts us from the past and sullies our future. Unfortunately we tend to identify forgiving with only forgetting. But, by learning to live in the present, we will enable ourselves to embrace the pain of the infliction and heal ourselves as well as others.

Often we let painful memories re-inflict pain. There's so much negativity attach-ed to the memory. To release the memory, Raymond Studzinski says, is to see the injuring party as a human person who like oneself lives in an imperfect world fraught with stress and conflict. Forgiveness is to accept what has happened as past and not as the final word on the other or oneself. That makes it creative.

Edward Guinan says: The heritage that martyrs, resisters and saints have left us is: "Love can and must be lived today, despite the pain and difficulty of life. Tomorrow will carry the tenderness and peace which we live now".

Most psychologists now acknowledge that an important aspect of forgiveness is to forgive oneself first for life exempts none from injury. To be good does not insulate one from hurt inflicted by others. Forgiveness meets the injurer with compassion. It acknowledges that we all have the same destructive tendencies and we carry within ourselves the ability to inflict pain on others.

We all feel the urge to seek justice for ourselves. Not all, however, are moved by compassion and mercy. Biblical images of God are of a forgiving God. God's mercy for erring humanity is portrayed as a mother's trembling womb. The image of a forgiving God is best epitomised by the figure of Jesus nailed to the cross who died with the words: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do".

An unforgiving attitude and hate can lead to physical manifestations and psychosomatic illnesses. Dr Norman Vincent Peale reports the cure of a woman who suffered from a terrible itch on her arms. She resented her sister, who she felt had got a greater share of her father's estate on his death, because she was married and had children, whilst she was single. Filled with hatred and pain, she developed physical symptoms. It was only when she was able to forgive and love her sister once again that she regained health and the ability to live life joyfully.

Forgiveness is a grace from God. By ourselves, we are unable to forgive or forget. Grace from God creates and renews all life. Witness the courage and strength of spirit that enabled Gladys Staines to forgive the murderers of her husband and children.

Human beings are able to survive torture, death and ignominy because the human spirit is able to transcend it. Creative forgiveness enabled a Corrie Ten Boom to pardon her Nazi persecutor and spread the message of love; it inspired a Victor Frankl to enrich human psychology and psychiatry with his masterpiece, Man's Search for Meaning.

The spirit of love is the spirit of forgiveness which enables a defeated people to rise from the ashes to rebuild their lives. No hate in the world is as powerful as the forgiving power of love.

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See also: Love and Happiness, Life and Beyond, Death and Dying, Body Mind and Soul

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