Love and Happiness: Forgive and Forget To Create Amity

By Sudhamahi Regunathan

A man who wished to be initiated into meditation went to a great sage and asked to be accepted as his disciple. The sage made him close his eyes gently and told him that the first step of meditation was to practise compassion. "Amity, compassion, amity, compassion" - the sage kept repeating.

The man, however, was not concentrating. Finally he opened his eyes and begged to be allowed to say something. "I can wish everybody well but my neighbour. I have a lawsuit against him. Can I leave him out?"

The master laughed gently and said, "Leave out the whole world, just concentrate on your neighbour. Wish him well and you would have learnt the greatest secret of conquering aversions and attachments."

"Remember all that which supports your progress, brings you happiness and forget all that which impedes your progress, hinders positive thoughts", says Acharya Mahaprajna. "It is as important to learn to be forgetful as it is to learn to remember.

If you remember the hurtful or the detrimental incidents, you are carrying an unnecessary burden with you and this will lead you to failure". To forgive and forget: They come as a pair, for unless you forget you cannot forgive and unless you forgive you cannot forget. This is what the eight-day Jaina festival of Paryushan and Kshama-yachana Divas or Samvatsari is all about.

Fasting is an important component, it is a symbol of restraint. On the last day, people visit each other and seek forgiveness for anything that they may have said or done to cause pain to others, knowingly or unknowingly.

Jain monks and nuns observe this sentiment throughout the year. Every evening, they perform what is known as the pratikraman where they get in touch with their inner self. They seek forgiveness for all the acts of violence that may have occurred in their interaction with the outside world. They seek this forgiveness not only from fellow humans but also from all living beings.

The festival is an opportunity to cleanse oneself. Just as a bath cleanses the body, and makes one feel lighter, this festival is meant to cleanse the soul, to make it lighter.

One can relieve oneself of all tensions. When we eat or drink we are quenching our hunger and thirst. We are satisfying one kind of need. Similarly, to seek forgiveness is the need of the spirit. It brings nutrition to the spirit and rejuvenates it.

Therefore the spirit of this festival is important. If it is celebrated by just verbally seeking forgiveness, it is a routine, and meaningless tradition; it gets reduced to being a ritual little understood. It should be more than that.

Mahavira believed in equality to such an extent that he said if one forgives and the other is forgiven, it introduces inequality in society. So both sides should seek forgiveness and forgive. The meaning of forgiveness is limitless affection or amity. The most dominant cause of hatred is ahankar or arrogance. If we are able to overcome arrogance and develop humane qualities, then we can access amity in no time.

An essential prerequisite for spiritual fulfilment is being able to forgive. The experience of divine forgiveness and pardon is universal, reaching to supplicants in all the world's religions. When anger is overcome, the spirit of forgiveness springs in the soul and the soul experiences infinite happiness.

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See also: Love and Happiness, Life and Beyond, Death and Dying, Body Mind and Soul

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