Essence of Affirmations: Harder than saying sorry

By Mukul Sharma

Essence of Affirmations: Harder than saying sorry

Sixty-five-year-old Indian American Biswanath Halder had always nursed what he believed was a legitimate grudge against his old college in the US. Three years ago he went berserk conducting a horrific shooting spree on the premises which left Norman Wallace, a young student, dead.

While sentencing him to life imprisonment recently, the judge told a seemingly nonrepentant Halder that some of Wallace's relatives were in court and that he owed them an apology. Halder responded with: "It's a terrific tragedy and I'm exceptionally sorry." To this, one of the victim's brothers replied: "I do forgive you. I don't want to have that on me. I don't want to be like you."

Genuine apologies are, of course, very difficult and Halder's was nowhere near that, delivered as it was after being goaded by the court and, in any case, three years too late. But forgiving it seems is even harder. The brother's pardon, for instance, also came three years after the incident in response to a public apology and that too with two riders attached. Let's have a look at them.

If he had left it at "I do forgive you" we would have never known if he meant it from the heart or not but would probably have given him the benefit of the doubt. However, when he added "I don't want to have that on me" it becomes apparent it's not authentic because all it means is that he didn't want to carry the burden of the world thinking he still held any rancour.

And "I don't want to be like you" completely confirms the sham. It conveys the impression that in spite of forgiving him the brother is distancing himself from the assailant. That's hardly what forgiving is all about; it's supposed to bring people together, not keep them separate.

In this connection it's interesting to note the late Pope John Paul II's reaction after he was shot and critically wounded by Mehmet Ali Agca, a Turkish gunman in May 1981. Immediately following the assassination attempt the Pope asked people to pray for his "brother" whom he had "sincerely forgiven" even though Agca had not apologised. That's not all.

In 1983 he visited his would-be assassin in prison and the two talked privately for some time. "I spoke to him as a brother whom I have pardoned and who has my complete trust," said John Paul. He also kept in touch with Agca's family over the years, having met both his mother and brother separately.

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More from same author see: Mukul Sharma

(See also: Essence of Affirmations, Affirmations, Practising Affirmations, Life Transforming Affirmations, Essence of Affirmations, Faith and Belief, Peace of Mind, Love and Happiness, Body Mind and Soul)